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”I flash back to a rape awareness lecture during college orientation. Do we actually need another voice in the cacophony condemning Weinstein, or are the millions of women who are telling their #Me Too stories good enough? Is it anything like the silence of the enablers at Miramax, or the Hollywood community who turned a blind eye because “hey, what are you gonna do?I’m aware why women don’t want to talk and prefer men to take up the mantle. But if women don’t talk about their sexual assaults — for their own valid reasons — it’s hard to expect men to fully understand the scope of the problem.“Placing the burden on victims and survivors to give and share their horrific traumas and mentally relive them so that other people can take and receive that knowledge, which the victims already know from personal experience is likely to be questioned, doubted, diminished, disregarded, or reacted to with defensiveness, is another ‘taking away something’ from them.”Honestly, I don’t know what to do with that. If you don’t speak out, you’re part of the problem. I remember hitting on a woman at a bar in New York City after 8 vodka tonics. I agree that there’s not much men could do to stop those who assault others sexually when it comes to talking about it.If you speak out and accidentally offend, you’re part of the problem. I wonder if I was ever “that guy.” The guy who came on too strong. Just like you can’t stop the mass shooter, murderer, etc. But men can definitely make a huge difference by showing less tolerance toward inappropriate behavior. Groping, rubbing your junk up on people, bullying and harassment (as in continuing to bother someone even after they have clearly expressed no interest) can all fall under that category. I wanted to say something about being a happily married man, a father of a daughter, a dating coach for women.The good guys — the ones who would never commit sexual assault — can only throw up their hands, wondering how to avoid getting lumped in with the bad guys. Men are causing the problem, but are men the solution to the problem? The fact is: most of us tend not to think about issues until they directly impact us: Health care. Sexual assault creates a culture of fear, distrust, and wariness that millions of clueless men cannot grasp until watershed moments like this. It shines light on the horrors faced by women which most men cannot fathom. Rest assured we are equally horrified but don’t know how to express our support and create positive change.

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(If he wouldn’t have considered her in a “weaker” position, he wouldn’t have tried to begin with).And yet, conversations like this remain the third rail of the internet. Despite my best efforts to offer an open, honest, male response to sexual assault statistics, I got my ass handed to me. How can a man who is an ally strike the right tone much less make positive change? Other than that, maybe offer support, and try to be non-judgmental toward the victims.If a man proffers his thoughts on sexual assault without impeccable sensitivity and understanding he risks being called a victim blamer, rape apologist, or misogynist. How can we wrestle with the problem and talk about these issues without rancor, ad hominem attacks, or slippery slope arguments? My belief is that, for reasons previously explained, women — not men – are the best advocates for creating awareness about sexual harassment. I’m only pointing out that #Me Too is infinitely more powerful than, well, me. Fear of having to be grilled by the police, go through the court system, and remind herself of the assault. I don’t think so, but these days, the lines are blurry for even the most liberal men. But anything else (and sometimes even that) could be misinterpreted.I scrolled through my News Feed and read through the names. The bad guys — the ones who think it’s okay to routinely force themselves upon women — are sociopaths who are impervious to this type of discussion. What men don’t realize is that sexual assault DOES directly impact them. I can be more sympathetic, understanding and vigilant. This isn’t an easy conversation, but if you want men to actively fight sexual harassment, try not to attack the ones who are openly wrestling with our role in the problem. So if we’re being honest, what can an average guy — your accountant, your handyman, your brother – do to stop sexual assault? You can’t “make” men talk to each other about this, any more than Starbucks made us conduct coffee-house conversations with its “Race Together” hashtag.“As a teacher with some experience of college men, I’d say that a large problem with focusing social change efforts on men is that the men most likely to be assholes to women are precisely the ones most likely to resist being enlightened.”Sadly, she’s right. Is it any surprise that the 94% of men who don’t commit sexual assault also don’t spend much time thinking about sexual assault? I can’t change my past, but I can change my perspective.

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